A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1
This verse has pretty much become the motto of our marriage. When John and I were first married and he found himself irritated with something I was doing, he would stop and think: "I know she loves me and wouldn't intentionally offend me or try to irritate me, so she must not be aware of how she is making me feel." After thinking on this, he would calm down and then ask why I was doing something a particular way or responding the way I was. He approached me gently, which neutralized conflict and made me want to understand his perspective. It also made it easy for me to explain that I had no idea something I'd been doing or saying was bothering him. Knowing his reasons for doing some things differently made me more sensitive to considering alternatives.
The Lord really spoke such wisdom to him that first year. There are many factors for why we would both choose to do things our own way. I am a woman and he is a man. We were raised in different homes that taught different ways of doing things. Regardless of our differences, we love each other and would NEVER intentionally do something to hurt the other. When we do have conflict, this understanding quickly diffuses every tense situation that could otherwise turn ugly.
We enter confrontation with our guard down and gently talk to each other. We communicate openly without being harsh or snarky. When we feel like popping of in anger, we try to use self control to stop and evaluate the situation. Maybe he is still tense from a hard day at work and doesn't realize his tone is rude. Or maybe the children haven't really listened to me today and it irritates me when John doesn't respond immediately. There are a lot of influences in the day that can make us grumpy or sensitive. It is our job as spouses to receive each other at the end of every day with open arms, and to help the other feel like their home and time together is a haven and not a battlefield. Be the person they can't wait to see!
John and I operate in the solid truth that we love each other and would never intentionally hurt the other. If you are in a marriage where you are unsure of your spouse's affection for you, I encourage you to be the first one to respond in a gracious and humble way when conflict arrises. Tone down anger with gentle words--it's like throwing water on a fire. Communicate your desire to be more gentle and kind to each other, and lead by example.
Next time a conflict arrises, stop and think before you respond. Try to see your spouse with the same compassion that God does. When we do that it allows us to extend grace the same way God does. I promise that if you make this switch, and are gentle instead of harsh, you will see an amazing influx of peace in your home and relationship.
- Lacey
This verse has pretty much become the motto of our marriage. When John and I were first married and he found himself irritated with something I was doing, he would stop and think: "I know she loves me and wouldn't intentionally offend me or try to irritate me, so she must not be aware of how she is making me feel." After thinking on this, he would calm down and then ask why I was doing something a particular way or responding the way I was. He approached me gently, which neutralized conflict and made me want to understand his perspective. It also made it easy for me to explain that I had no idea something I'd been doing or saying was bothering him. Knowing his reasons for doing some things differently made me more sensitive to considering alternatives.
The Lord really spoke such wisdom to him that first year. There are many factors for why we would both choose to do things our own way. I am a woman and he is a man. We were raised in different homes that taught different ways of doing things. Regardless of our differences, we love each other and would NEVER intentionally do something to hurt the other. When we do have conflict, this understanding quickly diffuses every tense situation that could otherwise turn ugly.
We enter confrontation with our guard down and gently talk to each other. We communicate openly without being harsh or snarky. When we feel like popping of in anger, we try to use self control to stop and evaluate the situation. Maybe he is still tense from a hard day at work and doesn't realize his tone is rude. Or maybe the children haven't really listened to me today and it irritates me when John doesn't respond immediately. There are a lot of influences in the day that can make us grumpy or sensitive. It is our job as spouses to receive each other at the end of every day with open arms, and to help the other feel like their home and time together is a haven and not a battlefield. Be the person they can't wait to see!
John and I operate in the solid truth that we love each other and would never intentionally hurt the other. If you are in a marriage where you are unsure of your spouse's affection for you, I encourage you to be the first one to respond in a gracious and humble way when conflict arrises. Tone down anger with gentle words--it's like throwing water on a fire. Communicate your desire to be more gentle and kind to each other, and lead by example.
Next time a conflict arrises, stop and think before you respond. Try to see your spouse with the same compassion that God does. When we do that it allows us to extend grace the same way God does. I promise that if you make this switch, and are gentle instead of harsh, you will see an amazing influx of peace in your home and relationship.
- Lacey